4 Considerations When Choosing A Therapist

EPISODE 124 | 4 CONSIDERATIONS WHEN CHOOSING A THERAPIST

[00:00:00] Learning about trauma helped me have some new awareness and I remember thinking at the time, I was learning about trauma. I was in quite a good place; I didn't need immediately counselling sessions or therapy. But I remember thinking okay, I'm going to start researching. For me, that was the area that I felt like I needed. 

[00:00:18] INTRODUCTION
Welcome to Becoming Me, your podcast companion and coach in your journey to a more integrated and authentic self. I am your host, Ann Yeong, and I'm here to help you grow in self-discovery and wholeness. If you long to live a more authentic and integrated life and would like to hear honest insights about the rewards and challenges of this journey, then take a deep breath, relax, and listen on to Becoming Me. 

[00:00:55] CONTINUING MY SHARING: FROM SPIRITUAL DIRECTORS TO THERAPISTS
Hello, hello. Good morning. Okay, so, in my last Live, in the last episode, if you're listening to this on the podcast, I talked about five different considerations to bear in mind when you are looking for a spiritual director. Okay, so, as promised, this is the continuation of that discussion. 

[00:01:15] But now instead of talking about what to consider when you're choosing a spiritual director, today's sharing is about what considerations maybe you want to keep in mind when you're looking for a therapist.

[00:01:27] Okay, so, I'm actually going to be covering this topic in two parts. The bulk of it, I'm going to be talking about today, in today's sharing. But because I know for those of you who follow my content, most of you, like the vast majority of you are Catholic or Christian. A very common question that will come up is, should I be looking for a Catholic or Christian therapist?

[00:01:50] Now, there's a lot to be said there, so, I'm going to be dedicating another episode, like another Live, just to talk about that. Okay, but today's sharing will be other really important considerations. In fact, I would say probably even more primary considerations we should bear in mind when we are looking for a therapist.

[00:02:08] So, before I go on, I just want to say, the 5 considerations that I mentioned in how to choose a spiritual director, they're all applicable as well for choosing a therapist. So, I'm not going to repeat those 5 points. 

[00:02:21] If you haven't watched or listened to that particular sharing, just look for the previous episode, okay, on 5 considerations on how to choose a spiritual director.

[00:02:30] So, they all apply here as well. And also, the same caveats apply. in the sense that there is no perfect counsellor or, you know, therapist. We trust God to lead us to the right resource, the right person, at the right time. So, this whole journey that we're talking about, this interior integration journey, we're not the ones calling the shots.

[00:02:51] We can easily forget that because sometimes, you know, we do want to be intentional about it. That's important, right? But even as we're intentional about it, we can trust that we're not the one driving this whole process, right? We respond to the grace that God gives us.

[00:03:05] And that's such a huge comforting, liberating thing to, to bear in mind, okay. So, even as I talk about the considerations that I have learned are important considerations, at least when choosing a therapist. I hope these will be helpful for you, practical for you, but remember, God will have the final say.

[00:03:26] Okay, we can do whatever we want with our agency, and if the timing's not right, no matter how right, or how much we want to work with a particular therapist, for example, it may just not work. And we can trust that God knows what He's doing. Okay, so, so, what considerations when choosing a therapist?

[00:03:48] UNDERSTANDING THE LAYERS OF LIFE FOR HEALING
The first consideration, I would say is which layer of life do I need healing in right now? Okay, what do I mean by layer of life? In previous sharings in my podcast, I think right from the beginning, episode four, I talked about the three layers of life and I often reference this. 

[00:04:12] When we talk about integration, it's always helpful to remember we exist or we live at different layers, okay, in our life. At the outermost layer, that's where we experience the circumstances that we're in, events that happen in our life, the relationships that we have with people. All these are on the outer layer of our life because it's, in a sense, outside of us.

[00:04:34] But for many of us, that's, you know, this is like the most real layer. It's what is the easiest for us to experience, especially when we haven't developed a habit, I guess, of contemplation, of descending into the core of ourselves. This is the part, you know, whether what happens at work, what's going on in our family, if a child falls sick, or we quarrel with our partner, we have a really difficult boss, all kinds of things, as long as it's happening outside of us.

[00:05:02] So, like, for example, the end of a relationship or losing a loved one, maybe someone that we're close to dies or moves to a different country, right? All of that, I include as the outer layer of our life.

[00:05:18] The inner layer of our life. So, that's the layer of our emotions, our thoughts and our sensations. Okay, that's like the inner layer. So, one layer is not just what's happening on the outside of us, but what's happening within us. So, there's always a kind of correspondence, right? Something happens on the outside. Let's say our boss yells at us or criticizes us in front of our colleagues. Something else is going to happen inside of us, right? Our heart rate changes, our breathing changes, we may get into fight or flight. All that is reflected in physical sensations, in emotions that are felt in the body, and probably thoughts, you know, that are running through our mind at some point maybe. Maybe a self-condemnation kind of thoughts or angry thoughts about our boss. 

[00:06:05] So, that's what's happening inside of us. And a lot of times that's also what is even if we're not really aware of what's going on. Let's say we are emotionally dysregulated. We may not have the awareness, the deep awareness that I'm getting dysregulated But I would be reacting at that inner layer, okay to what's happening on the outside layer.

[00:06:25] But at the innermost layer or the core of this, with outer layer, inner layer and a core that's what I say is like that's the true self or that's where we have our sense of self. Our sense of self is connected to but distinct from our emotions, our feelings, what you know what we feel in our body. There's a belief, there are a lot of beliefs about who we are, our identity, our sense of identity that's in our core and the core self.

[00:06:55] And when we talk about interior integration, we are talking about, in a sense, how living from the inside out, not just reacting to what's happening on the outermost layer, right. We're talking about learning to regulate our emotions, et cetera. Yes, but not just for the sake of regulating them.

[00:07:11] We want them all connected to a core that is becoming more whole. Because our wounds, our trauma, it actually attacks us right at the very core. So, how we see ourselves, what we believe about ourselves, our identity, our inability, for example, to believe, really believe that we are the beloved of God, not just cognitively, but in an embodied way - that is because our core is wounded.

[00:07:34] Okay, so, all three layers are very important. In living our lives, we're connected to all three layers. So, when I say, how do I know how to choose a therapist? One of the first questions to ask is, at this point in time, when you're looking for a therapist, how do you choose a therapist?

[00:07:52] At what layer of life are you looking for help? Okay, because sometimes, what we really need help in is we're very overwhelmed by something that's happened in the recent past or even currently, right. So, our attention is on the outermost layer and the second, you know, the middle layer the inner layer, because for example, maybe we're having a very toxic situation at work with a toxic boss or I just had a very painful breakup, a relationship breakup - something just happened in the outer layer of my life and I'm struggling to come to grips with that, right?

[00:08:29] All the stuff that's happening in my inner layer, is responding or reacting to the outside layer. In such a case, I could say maybe like a crisis that's happening, something that's urgent, right? 

[00:08:42] CHOOSING BETWEEEN CONSELLING AND PSYCHOTHERAPY
You could consider going for counselling. So, I'm also making a bit of a distinction between counselling and psychotherapy.

[00:08:49] It's actually distinct. When we think about therapy, we talk about therapy. We don't often differentiate, that it can different kinds. Sometimes, we refer to counselling. Sometimes, we refer to psychotherapy. They're related, but they're also quite distinct. Okay, for more details, I encourage you to just search for that on the web.

[00:09:06] There are plenty of helpful articles explaining the distinction between counselling and psychotherapy, okay? But generally, I would say counselling can help let's say, for example, grief counselling, right? Something has just happened or you just need someone to help you to reframe certain situations, to develop some way to cope in the present moment, to cope better, to be more regulated in the present moment, so that you're not so constantly overwhelmed all the time, right?

[00:09:36] Part of it could just begin with being able to have a very attuned other, an attuned other person, right, listening to us. And that's where a good counsellor can make a really big difference, right? Now, if what we're looking for though, is not just helping us to respond better to deal with current circumstances, some difficult circumstances, or just regulating our emotions.

[00:10:04] If now, what we're talking about is we're looking at underlying patterns of behaviour, for example. So, if you've been on the interior journey for a while, you may have developed, or you probably would have developed, more awareness, right, about how you respond and react in your life.

[00:10:25] And you may not just be living from crisis to crisis, or you're not just becoming aware that you need support when you have another big blow up, you know, in a relationship or at work, for example. You may find that over the years, there are certain dynamics that repeat themselves in your life, right, in different places, with different individuals, but the same kind of patterns keep happening.

[00:10:49] You may recognize that I have the same kind of scripts that are running in my head or running my life all the time. And it's something more than just learning how to regulate my emotions.

[00:10:59] I want to go a little deeper and talk about what, you know, what's at the root of things. What's at the root of things? So, we're talking about I want to know how the fragmentation of my inner core also affects the second layer of the emotions thoughts and sensations because our emotions our thoughts and our physical sensations, they're not just affected or they're not just impacted from what is happening on the outside. They're also impacted by our beliefs about ourselves, right?

[00:11:28] So, in the longer term, deeper, more permanent change, more permanent healing, for that to happen, we need to look beyond just dealing with changing circumstances on the outside. If that's what you're interested in, then what you need would be to go beyond counselling, then you would be looking at psychotherapy. Okay, there are more modalities in psychotherapy. And the aim of psychotherapy is to address the deeper underlying issues in our lives that are causing us to respond a certain way all the time.

[00:12:00] So, as you can imagine, usually counselling, especially if the counselling is to address a more surface layer. kind of issue, the duration for counselling may not be that long. You go for counselling for until you feel that, okay, you're better able to cope with the situation now. And then you can kind of like stop counselling if the reason for counselling is to address more like your response or ability to cope with recent or current events.

[00:12:29] Okay, that's not the only reason to go for counselling. So, I just want to clarify that counselling can go beyond just coping with the current situation or, you know, or emotional regulation. But counselling, the tools usually employed in counselling will not be able to go as far and as deep as the tools usually used in psychotherapy, all right?

[00:12:51] That, because psychotherapy is more for, I would say if you are on this journey, you're committed to this journey in the long term. You're not just going to be satisfied that oh, I'm not feeling dysregulated all the time or I'm not feeling so anxious all the time anymore. You want to develop a greater capacity for life, right, for ability to love, especially for those of us who are entering this realm of wanting to heal and be whole because of our relationship with Christ. 

[00:13:22] We believe that He came to set us free and to make us fully alive and we have come to realize that part of that is emotional healing, a big part of that is emotional healing so that we are not just always in survival mode, right?

[00:13:35] Our awareness will deepen to the point where we will realize we will constantly have things to heal, right. Not that I'm saying we should just make healing the end of everything, but insofar as we are aware that there's always more work waiting for us, for integration, there's always more that God wants to do to heal us and integrate with us.

[00:13:56] And that healing integration would need to go into our past, not just the past that we remember, but like, for example, our family of origin, you know, learning that all that impacts us in ways that we never, If you're even understood or are conscious of, then that's when you're going to need to go beyond counselling.

[00:14:16] Counselling can't bring you there. You're going to need to look at psychotherapy, alright? Again, you can search for this on the web, there's a lot of information. And to go beyond what I'm sharing now. But this is a, hopefully a good introduction. If some of you have never even heard about this distinction or you've wondered about a distinction, you know, when do I look at counselling? When do I look at psychotherapy?

[00:14:38] One of it, one way to decide between the two would be what layers of your life currently, that's important, currently needing to heal, okay? I say currently is important because with our interior journey, we should always just be concerned with the present moment. Don't worry so much about what else needs to happen in the future. The journey is long. The journey is complex, but God is always with us in the present.

[00:15:05] We don't need to be anxious about what is still lying ahead of us, right? We won't know that until we finish the work of the present moment. So, if for example at this point in your life, you are needing help because there's something really very stressful going on in the outer layer of your life and you can't, it's natural.

[00:15:24] You won't be able to deal with the deeper underlying issues of your life when there's something very urgent that's happening right now. That's really hurting you or really making you anxious or really stressing you out, right.

[00:15:36] Even for someone who has been on the journey for a long time, like for example, for me, I've been going for counselling and therapy since 2017 - I think, so, that's about six years now. It depends on what's going on in my life. There are times when I'm there to deal with what's happening on the surface of my life more because something really stressful is happening there. And then there are times when I can explore with my therapist the deeper underlying issues when things on the surface are a little bit more calm, right? And I've dealt with them.

[00:16:08] Then I can descend deeper into the depths. So, it's not just an either-or thing. But if you don't have someone yet right now, and right now you need to deal with something that's urgent, you know, you can look for a counsellor. Sometimes, it's easier, I think there are more options, if you're looking for a counsellor, a well attuned, safe person, to help you deal with what's on the surface first.

[00:16:31] Okay, if you're in a stable place in your life, or you know, you know, you have, you are well tended to, let's say, in spiritual direction, you've been healing for a while, but, you know, you want to go beyond what you have, what you've already done, then you can consider, for example, psychotherapy.

[00:16:46] So, I just realized I think I may have already. Yeah, I may have already kind of pre-empted my second point. They're linked. Okay, all these kind of links. So, the first point was what layer of life are you looking to heal right to consider that? 

[00:16:59] STARTING YOUR THERAPEUTIC JOURNEY: TIPS AND CONSIDERATIONS
The second point I wanted to share was is this: are you just starting out? Is this the first time you're looking for therapists for example?

[00:17:07] Or have you been on the journey for a while and you want to heal deeper layers of trauma? Because the thing about our interior journey, right, is that the more seasoned we are in making this journey, the more aware we become. And the more aware we become, usually the more we realize there are actually deeper layers that need healing, right?

[00:17:27] So, we don't have to worry about what we don't know yet. So, that's what I was saying earlier. If you're just starting out, maybe, you know, in a sense, just can keep it simple. You may want to try going for a counsellor, just looking for a counsellor first that has, you know, can specialize more in talk therapy.

[00:17:46] So, I haven't really gone into modalities and I'm not going to be able to go very much into a lot of the modalities. of therapy here in this sharing, but just a little bit. Okay. So, you understand the nuances and the difference. What's more common, what we usually think of when talking about counselling or therapy is talk therapy, right?

[00:18:04] Like you talking to a therapist who is very attuned to you, who's listening to you. And then he or she may ask you certain questions at certain points, help you maybe to reframe the situation that's stressing you out. They may impart new concepts to you that can become a resource for you to make your journey.

[00:18:25] So, this can be done really well, and when it's done really well, it's really very helpful. Okay, I'm not at all kind of like saying that talk therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy, CBT, which is very well established, usually it's more talk therapy, that is not helpful. It can be very helpful, especially, I want to say, if you're just starting out, if you haven't done any therapy before.

[00:18:47] That is a, is a gentle start, is a gentle start. In fact, for me, my first three years of therapy, it was with a counsellor, right? It was a counsellor and it was, all of it was just, was basically talk therapy, but it was so helpful already, especially because my counsellor, we had also a more systemic understanding, like her training, the centre that I went to, they have very good counsellors in general, they are very well trained professionally very competent.

[00:19:13] And the first three years of my therapeutic journey, the main work that I needed to make was differentiation from my family of origin, especially differentiation of like my emotions. It was very enmeshed I've mentioned in other sharings before, I am very enmeshed emotionally with my family, especially with my mother. And I was beginning to realize that the enmeshment was all over my extended family too, right?

[00:19:38] And that was giving me a lot of dysregulation, but it's not that there were constant triggers that were happening in my current life. I was aware now, that at this deeper layer of myself, I didn't know how to be a distinct individual, right? So, my counsellor worked with me over the three years to really individuated and differentiated from my family of origin.

[00:20:02] Of course then, you know, talking about it like this sounds so simple. It was not. You know, there was a lot to that. Okay, and at the same time, I was also having regular spiritual direction. So, I've had these two, you know, forms of support. They are so complimentary if you have the, you know, the right fit on both sides.

[00:20:20] So I was saying, when I started out, my experience was with a counsellor. It wasn't really much psychotherapy. I didn't have any trauma. It wasn't really like deep trauma healing or anything. And yet, that was already so helpful, it gave me so much liberation.

[00:20:34] So, much liberation, okay? It gave me language, it helped me to see my relationship with my family inside different ways. For me, having the concept even of for example, enmeshment, differentiation, individuation, that is so helpful. I learned all that through the first three years of my therapeutic journey, and that was with a counsellor.

[00:20:53] Okay, so, but if, let's say you, you know, you've been doing that for a while, like I, you know, I did and at some point, it kind of plateaus. So, if you recall, so, two Lives ago, I think I actually shared, how would you know when it's time to change a therapist or change a spiritual director? Right, and one of the points is you've kind of stopped growing.

[00:21:15] Okay, your growth kind of plateaus and you notice that the plateau is not just a one not just pop like one session didn't seem very helpful, but there's a consistent maybe over a few sessions. You can sense that this person, this is as far as they can bring you, right? And you know, there's still ways to go.

[00:21:33] You know that your own healing journey, there's still a lot more to go, but this particular guide, the spiritual director, this therapist, this is as far as they can bring you. That's completely legit, right? It says nothing about their skill or how good they are. I always, you know, like to remind people, we all are different instruments of God, right?

[00:21:49] The kingdom is filled with resources and we all have our area that just could be a sign. It's time to look for a new therapist. In this case, since we're talking about therapist, right? So, for me, after the first three years I, I was still very glad that I had this person that I could go to talk to whenever there was stuff that was surfacing in my life.

[00:22:13] That's when I would restart you know, appointments with her and it'll continue maybe at a higher frequency for a few months. And then usually there'll be allow of several months when I'm in a more place near closer to the end of those three years. But during the pandemic and that was when I came across like Dr. Gabo Mate and I learned a lot more about trauma and complex trauma and trauma informed therapy.

[00:22:38] It was a very new language for me and another level, a layer of awareness. That was when I realized, well, like trauma stored in my body and I realized that that's true. You know, I now have language to realize that there are things that in my body, I can't just, I don't know how to help regulate myself beyond like in the moment.

[00:22:59] Like I can lower the intensity, but there is all this charge that's still stored in my body. And my counsellor was not equipped and we never went there. We never went to how to work with the body or that trauma is, you know, stored in the body.

[00:23:13] Right, and at that point in my journey, I realized I'm ready. I want to explore this because I know it's true. My awareness, both in my integrated spiritual journey is very much that I don't know how to bring my body online. I don't have, I have a poor relationship with my body, right? I have a poor relationship with my inner self, with my inner child.

[00:23:33] That was what started the whole journey. But I didn't know how to integrate my body into this healing journey, right? How is my inner self, my parts, my inner child related to how my body is feeling or how my body speaks to me. That was so foreign. That was just so foreign to me. 

[00:23:49] But learning about trauma helped me have some new awareness and I remember thinking at the time, I was learning about trauma. I was in quite a good place, I didn't need therapy like I didn't need immediately to you know, I didn't need counselling sessions or therapy. But I remember thinking okay, I'm going to start researching like who are possible therapists that for example, somatically trained, trained in somatic modalities, right?

[00:24:15] So, they can do talk therapy, but they also know how to work with the body. For me, that was the area that I felt like I needed. So, also connected with, you know, like the brain and like the nervous system and the body.

[00:24:29] So, I started asking around you know, trusted individuals that also maybe are special directors or counsellors and, you know, who would they recommend? Who do they know that would be good and can work in this particular area. And then eventually, I think in 2022, so that was actually sometime early last year, when I realized I needed to go back to therapy because there was consistent, like, deep anger.

[00:24:53] So, that's one of the signs I know I wasn't able to regulate again, though it was often feeling this anger and I didn't quite know where it's coming from. I knew it was more than just being upset with this external situation. So, there was an external situation that made me upset, but the depth the force of the emotion that I was feeling and the consistency that I was feeling.

[00:25:18] I know from experience by that point, there's something else. I'm sure there's a deeper underlying root. So, I was ready to go back into therapy. And this time I went to somebody who was trained in, you know, neuroscience and like neuroaffective touch with the body. So, that's who I've been working with since the beginning of last year, right?

[00:25:39] So, I hope my example of how starting the journey and then moving to deeper layers of healing can give you a sense of you know, if you're also looking for deeper layers of healing, do you have a sense of what's the need right now? Have some understanding then you can start looking at the write ups because usually, if you go to the websites of clinicians and not conditions like therapists, psychotherapists, they usually Describe some of the modalities that they use or they're good at using. So, the one that I go to, she has like somatic based kind of therapies, but also with a strong grounding in inner child work.

[00:26:13] She respects, like I think she was mentioned on the page, something about she can work with the spirituality, you know? So, the spiritual dimension of the person as well. So, it kind of like hit what I was looking for, the combination of what I was looking for. That's what I would recommend. Go and, you know, see if you can find out information.

[00:26:30] This is especially if you're ready for deeper levels of healing. You might want to learn a bit more about, you know, what modalities may be helpful. Okay, but again, it doesn't have to be a comprehensive research. Trust above all that the Lord will lead you to the person that you need at the time that you need it.

[00:26:46] Okay, so let's go to the third point. Of course, it's a very important point as usual, right? 

[00:26:52] NAVIGATING BUDGET AND PROFESSIONAL EXPERTISE IN THERAPY
Budget! Budget is so important. And I know this is a reality, right? Therapy costs money. It's not cheap, especially if you're looking for a psychotherapist in private practice. So, it's usually if you're looking for the more affordable option, it's more of counsellors that we're looking at and maybe counsellors working in centres that are subsidized. 

[00:27:16] So, whether it's like subsidized by church organizations or subsidized by the government or sometimes the place I started out was non-governmental and you know, it's not affiliated with any specific religious organization. But they do somehow, they have subsidies. It's kind of like, what do you call it?

[00:27:33] Not exactly need space, but it, depending on your level of income, they do try, they will give you a rate. All right, that's very reasonable. It's very different from the full cost, the full cost would probably be around 200 an hour, which is pretty close to those in private practice. But they can they actually offer rates that are a lot lower.

[00:27:51] So, I'm talking about Singapore just to give you the context I don't know. It depends on which country you are in; I suppose and whether there are such options. But here, where I am, the more affordable options are usually in counselling. But there's also, that doesn't mean that you can't find a good counsellor.

[00:28:06] Like, I found a really good counsellor and the centre that I went to, which was called Counselling and Care. I've only gotten positive feedback from people that I've kind of referred there and they have worked with different, different therapists there. So, generally I think the standard is pretty high, but because there are so many options, it's also true that you know, if you don't quite know where to look, your experience of the quality of counselling can vary. 

[00:28:32] Okay, it's the same for those in private practice as well. So, knowing how to sense or assess, like, is it landing for you is important. That was one of the five considerations I spoke about in choosing a spiritual director. It applies here as well, right?

[00:28:47] Testing it out and knowing whether you still feel safe and whether it fits, okay. But yeah, so, there's different budgets, like I said. If you need a more affordable option, probably look at counselling if you are able or willing, so able and willing. Not just able or willing, because there are plenty of people who are actually able to afford, let's say someone in private practice, but they're just not willing to spend that amount yet. Maybe they're not ready to invest that amount yet.

[00:29:13] But if you are ready and able and willing, then you know, private practice will give you a lot more options to, I think, to choose from, in terms of the specialties of the psychotherapist or the therapist, okay? So, if we are talking about budget, then that's something to bear in mind.

[00:29:34] Okay, last point for today's sharing. that I'm going to go into is this, okay. Sometimes, people ask me this, okay, because if you notice, if you start looking up who the counsellor is, or who the psychotherapist is, or who the therapist is, sometimes you're like clinical psychologist, you know, they're different terms, right?

[00:29:54] Sometimes it's a bit confusing. You will notice that some of these people have masters, some may have a certificate in counselling, so you have different depths or levels of expertise. I'm going to just talk about, let's say, master's and PhD, okay? I think if you really want somebody with a certain depth of training, I would say go, you know, it'd be good that they have at least a master's.

[00:30:16] But beyond that, is it that important like what degree they hold in counselling or in psychology? I would say it's not the most important thing. It's not the most important thing because there are other things that are more important than whether they hold like a PhD or a master's, okay. For example, are they trauma informed or would they unwittingly?

[00:30:37] You know, so, when we talk about trauma informed, it's a particular - it's still relatively new. Unfortunately, there are I think a lot of places where even if they treat people with trauma, they may not really be trauma informed. So, they may not be so permission based or you will know, okay. You will have a sense if you don't feel safe or really seen or attuned.

[00:31:00] So, that's what I mean. Okay, it's important that they are attuned, that they are safe for you, that you don't feel shamed or guilted for whatever you're bringing into the session, that the methods that they use doesn't make you feel re traumatized, okay? So, that's kind of one of the things to look out for.

[00:31:21] That's I think so much more important than whether your therapist holds a master's or a PhD. Do they have professional integrity? That's really important, right? Are they continuously also learning themselves as in learning and upgrading, you know, keeping up to date with what's out there professionally?

[00:31:41] So, there could be - I know at least a couple of people who are, let's say, what they have is like a master's in counselling, but on their own, they're always seeking further development, further training not just for the sake of adding to their toolbox, but, you know, in a way that's very integrated with their own journey.

[00:32:00] So, their own attunement, they are invested in their own healing journey. And then the modalities that have really helped them, they decide to also go and get trained in those modalities so that they can integrate that into their practice, right? That you won't know possibly, I mean, right at the very start, but if you get word of mouth, sometimes you have people who already, your friends who are already seeing therapists and they may know about something, about the therapist, that's something good to know of, right?

[00:32:26] That this therapist is also on his or her own journey, and they're continuing upskilling, continuously upskilling. And of course, do they respect your dignity and pace that you need to go? I have unfortunately heard of a couple of cases where I've redirected clients before, I've suggested to clients.

[00:32:46] So, I'm coach, right? I don't do therapy and I'm not a spiritual director, but I help people who have spiritual directors and maybe therapists on a side, integrate their journey somewhat. And sometimes, I have heard things like, you know, the counselling sessions that they've had haven't been very helpful and sometimes they don't even really look forward to going because there's this sense that they're being assessed in their progress. 

[00:33:10] Okay, that's not a good thing. Okay, I don't know. That's not a good thing to feel like your therapist is assessing how you're progressing. I mean, they may need to have a sense of that, but you shouldn't feel like they're assessing. And also, I've heard more than one, someone being told, like a client being told that actually you don't need counselling anymore and we need to free up space for others with greater needs.

[00:33:30] I'm so sorry if you've ever had to have that kind of experience. Okay, that shouldn't happen because it, you know, basically what's going on is the client actually still feels like they need help. They're still having depression, for example, but they're told yeah, you're okay and we need to give priority to someone else.

[00:33:51] Okay, so, this is kind of like, this is one of those very highly subsidized or even maybe free counselling situation. So, that's a bit of the downside if you're looking for free or really, really free counselling. Sometimes, the professional standards, unfortunately, may not be that high. But I just want to say, if that's the only kind of therapeutic experience you have had, that's not a good, that's not a good example of therapy.

[00:34:17] Okay, there are there's better out there and you deserve better. All right So, that's what to look at some of the things to look out for apart from just what degree they hold. Okay, so, yeah, okay. So, I'm not covering this in this sharing. But like I said, in my next Live, I'll dedicate an entire life just for this, just to talk about should I find a Christian or Catholic counsellor or therapist?

[00:34:43] Like how important is it that I find someone, a counsellor or therapist who is Christian or Catholic. I'd like to unpack that question a little more. Actually, quite a bit more, all right, because it is a question that surfaces quite a lot. So, because there's so much to talk about there, I'm not going to add that to today's Live.

[00:35:00] I hope that today's four points in, you know, considerations for choosing a therapist is really helpful for you. So, just as a recap, the first point is which layer of life in the three layers of life is of your utmost concern right now. Is it tending to something that's happening in the outer layer right now?

[00:35:20] There's some situation that's really stressing you out or some crisis that's happening that you need to help to learn to cope with or is it a more the underlying long term, the deeper roots of trauma, the deeper roots of fragmentation in your core that you wish to tend to, right? So, you need different kinds of therapy for the different layers of life, right?

[00:35:44] And if it's just the superficial layer. Again, I don't mean superficial. Superficial as in a bad way, but the outer layer, I would say, you know? Don't wait. Look for just a good counsellor. It's a lot easier to find, I think, good counsellors than it is for specialised psychotherapists, okay? The second point was, are you just looking out, are you just starting out on this therapeutic journey, or are you looking to heal deeper layers of trauma?

[00:36:11] And the third consideration is, of course, what's your budget? What are you really able and willing to spend that would also determine the options and what you should be looking out for. And the fourth point I covered in this sharing was, you know, is it important what degree your therapist holds? And I said that that's you know to it to it some extent. But it's not by far the most important consideration and I shared what are some other more important considerations to have. If you have any questions, please feel free to park it in the comment or you can send me a direct message and I can find another opportunity to respond to that question.

[00:36:50] So, I'll just close off today's Live here and I hope that you find it practical and helpful and give you something new to think about. And don't forget, I'm just adding these considerations to the five considerations that I spoke about in choosing a spiritual director.

[00:37:09] Those same five considerations also apply to choosing a therapist. It's just that for therapists, there are other considerations as well to think of and I'm just adding them on, okay? Alright, God bless. And if you are looking for a therapist, remember to pray and ask God's help. And I also am praying for you that the Lord lead you to who you need at this point of your journey. Bye! 

[00:37:34] CONCLUSION
Thank you for listening to Becoming Me. The most important thing about making this journey is to keep taking steps in the right direction. No matter how small those steps might be, no matter where you might be in your life right now, it is always possible to begin. The world would be a poorer place without you becoming more fully alive.

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