EPISODE 111 | 3 GROUNDING TIPS FOR WHEN YOU ARE OVERWHELMED 

We can be high, we can be low, but reality itself, the real hasn't changed. It's like from eternity to eternity, the ultimate, most real, which is love, which is God, God's love itself, that especially never changes.

[00:00:21] INTRODUCTION
Welcome to Becoming Me, your podcast companion and coach in your journey to a more integrated and authentic self. I am your host, Ann Yeong, and I'm here to help you grow in self-discovery and wholeness. If you long to live a more authentic and integrated life and would like to hear honest insights about the rewards and challenges of this journey, then take a deep breath, relax, and listen on to Becoming Me.

[00:00:57] Hello, hello. Good morning. Good morning, all. I have been feeling a little tired and overwhelmed myself the last week or two. I think it's been a slow build up and, you know, as I was accompanying myself through the last couple of weeks, just trying to be more present with what's going on with me and, you know, basically trying to live this interior journey, right?

[00:01:32] It occurred to me that so many of us don't realize when we start off on the interior journey, that there are seasons, which I've mentioned, right? Seasons, and that there are rhythms. There are rhythms to the interior journey. So, when I talk about seasons, I usually mean slightly longer periods of time, like, you know, there can be a long, a certain season where it's more about healing, there may be a certain season where it's more about, you know, being out there and serving, right?

[00:02:03] So, those are like the longer periods of time, seasons. But within a season, there is also a rhythm.

[00:02:10] THE RHYTHMS AND SEASONS OF OUR JOURNEYS
If you think about it, even just, or I guess, the seasons themselves are kind of rhythm. But within 24 hours, there's a rhythm to our day, right? We sleep, we wake up we need to eat. Our energies, our energy also goes through certain rhythms. And even day to day, sometimes week to week, or maybe in a cycle of, you know, over a month or two months, we may find, you know, there are always ups and there are downs.

[00:02:39] When we are feeling energized, when we are feeling empowered in this process of the interior journey, which we do, there are times when we feel, we feel good. We feel energized. We feel excited about the journey. There are times when we experience maybe consolations and you feel encouraged, or we get to share our journey with, with people that understand and they validate us, they affirm us, and you know, we kind of like feel like, Oh, great.

[00:03:06] I'm doing well. I am on the right path and it's exciting to be on the interior journey. But then sometimes, it just seems like maybe a turn of you know, a change of a day or some news hits us or something unexpected. We encounter something unexpected. It can suddenly turn. You know, it's like our rhythm can go from feeling like, oh, you know, we're going with the grain to suddenly, Oh, it's so tiring. It's so overwhelming.

[00:03:38] DEALING WITH OVERWHELM ON THE JOURNEY
So, I just wanted to share in this Live, just share three things that have helped me whenever I'm feeling really tired and really overwhelmed by the interior journey and life. Okay, so, life, yes. Life can often be overwhelming, but for those of us who have begun to intentionally want to make the interior journey, there's a certain quality to the experience of overwhelm.

[00:04:03] Okay, so, it's not just the life, that life itself can sometimes feel overwhelming. We may at times feel like this interior journey that we are on itself can be very overwhelming. 

[00:04:14] So, not too long ago, I was speaking to one of my clients and, and I've seen her, I've, you know, I've accompanied her for I think about a year now since the first, more than a year since the first time we made contact. And I've seen the, you know, that burst of energy, that excitement that I was talking about earlier. And then as healing began to really happen and awareness grew, like she actually began to develop awareness and sensitivity to see things that she didn't see before about herself, about her wounds, about her family, for example. 

[00:04:50] And then suddenly, you know, the experience of it begins to change, it's no longer so exciting and empowering, it feels a little scary and it begins to feel overwhelming. And you know, she begins to feel a sense of pullback. Is this really what I want to do? Do I want to keep going, right?

[00:05:08] And as I assured her, and I continue to assure all of you who may be watching this. It is normal for us to experience these times of like, oh, this is so tiring. You know, do I really want to keep going? And like I said, I was just going through something similar in the last couple of weeks. So, the first thing that has helped me when I'm in this kind of times you know, periods of time when I begin to question why is it so hard?

[00:05:39] Why is becoming more aware so challenging? It almost feels like it was better when I wasn't aware. It almost feels like it was better when I was still asleep, right, instead of awake. It didn't hurt so much.

[00:05:52] THREE KEY TRUTHS FOR OVERCOMING OVERWHELM
So, the first thing is kind of a, not exactly a reframing kind of thing, but it's a truth, okay? It's a truth.

[00:05:59] The first thing is to remember nothing real has changed. Okay, let me repeat that. Nothing real - R E A L. Nothing that's really real has changed. From the time when we were asleep and unaware, to the time that we are awakening and aware, and even when the awareness makes it more painful and difficult, you know, our awareness of things change, our awareness of reality can change. And with our awareness, our experience of it can change, right?

[00:06:33] We can be high, we can be low. But reality itself, the real hasn't changed. It's like from eternity to eternity, the ultimate, most real, which is love, which is God, God's love itself, that especially, never changes. Just think of all the quotes, encouraging quotes that we've had. Let's say St. Teresa of Avila.

[00:06:59] You know, she has a famous little prayer that talks about how everything is fleeting. God is unchanging. So, let nothing make us fearful, let nothing frighten us, right? Julian of Norwich, an English mystic, is famous for also a very short saying about how all things and all manner of things and all things will be well.

[00:07:20] Now, there's a difference between just kind of like saying this to soothe ourselves, right? Or we've talked about, I've mentioned before, there's this spiritual bypass, like praying our anxiety away. This is not what I'm talking about, okay? Any kind of bypass, we are actually trying to run away and escape the real.

[00:07:41] Okay, we're trying to hoodwink ourselves, distance ourselves because we think that reality is painful, okay? We are afraid of reality is painful. So, we try and bypass it. What I'm talking about here is not bypassing reality. What I'm talking about here is going towards - you know, like when we feel overwhelmed to actually go towards the truth. And the truth is that the underlying reality hasn't shifted hasn't changed.

[00:08:07] For me, getting back in touch with that reality helps me when I'm feeling very overwhelmed. Because it reminds me that right at this instant, I feel like I'm totally not in control, right? Maybe a little while back, a few days back, I felt like I was on top of things. But the reality, actually, is that I'm never really in control. I mean, I don't, I don't even have control over my next breath.

[00:08:35] I have no control whether I'm going to continue to be alive in the next second, next minute, next hour, right? So, while there are many things that we do and we plan, and in a sense, we have agency, but at the deepest, deepest level, you know, I exist and I live and all that exists and all that lives, lives because God loves, alright?

[00:08:59] And all that is crappy about the world, all that's crappy about our life, my life, my family, the relationships that I'm in, whether I had a good day in terms of my relationship, whether it's my marriage or I had a fight with my husband and I can feel really low about it, right?

[00:09:15] These, there are ebbs and flows, there are rhythms, ups and downs. But in a deeper sense, in a place that I cannot touch and in a place that nothing can rob me or anyone, right, of anything, reality doesn't change. Now, this is an example of contemplation. Okay, so, remember, my perspective, the perspective that I share is always a very integrated perspective.

[00:09:44] So, it has the dimension of contemplative spirituality, especially. Contemplative Christian spirituality. And also, some psychology, you know, some praxis and all that kind of thing. But they come together so beautifully because when we contemplate the depth of what is true and what is real. And then we realize, actually this first realization that nothing real has changed can bring us to the second point that I often find comforting when I'm feeling very overwhelmed.

[00:10:18] And the second point is, I am not the saviour. I am not the saviour either of myself or of the world or anyone. Okay, there's only one saviour and I'm not him, I'm not it, okay. So, the first truth was that nothing real has changed no matter how, whatever is, is right. My experience of it can be good. My experience of this moment can be really bad.

[00:10:48] I can be depressed or I can be over the moon and overjoyed throughout all this flux. At the core of me, I am who I am and I am held and loved by God who is. Who always is. That never changes. And secondly, I am held by the one who saves and I am not the saviour. And what this allows me to do, remembering that I am not the saviour means that it does not all lie on my shoulders, including my interior journey of integration, including my journey of healing.

[00:11:24] I may really desire and yearn to become more whole, more authentic. I may really desire and yearn to have a greater capacity to love others and to love myself and to love God. All that can be true, but I am ultimately not the source of that power and that grace that can make it happen, right? Which means it doesn't lie on my shoulders.

[00:11:50] I always respond to the first grace and first love that is offered me, which means I can wait upon the Lord. Now, waiting upon the Lord is both a very, very difficult thing, and also a very liberating thing, okay? Very difficult thing because we are often so impatient to get out of our pain and our suffering, right?

[00:12:12] I mean, who likes to be in it? Especially when we become more aware that we are in pain and suffering. When we've decided that we don't want to run away anymore, we want to be more courageous, and we want to face up to the truth, and we want to become more whole, we can often then become even more impatient.

[00:12:27] Because we want good things to happen, right? So, waiting on God, in this sense, can be very hard. But remembering that we are not the saviour, and that, therefore, I do not have the power to heal myself, apart from the power that God gives me, shares with me, to respond to His grace. That also allows me to exhale and realize that, well, there's nothing I can do. Which means I don't have to keep trying so hard.

[00:13:06] If God hasn't given me the grace right at this moment to fix what I feel like needs to be fixed, for example, it would be very tempting, right? I want to try and fix something, but He hasn't given me that grace and He hasn't asked me to do it. I don't need to do it. I have permission to not fix something, whether it's fixing me, which actually anyway, we're not supposed to ever try and fix, right?

[00:13:29] But the temptation is there. Whether it's to fix some situation that I feel like I should fix, whether it's trying to fix myself or fix someone else, which we're never supposed to anyway. But you see, this is a reminder that I'm not the saviour. I don't have to do it, which means that I can rest. And this is so important for us perfectionists and those of us who are so afraid of making mistakes, I am free to make mistakes because I'm not the saviour, okay?

[00:13:57] I can fail. It's okay because whether I succeed or fail, remember like the first point I mentioned, what is truly real never changes. So, my growth, my ability to love or my lack of ability to love, my blindness or my awareness, all that, not that while they make a difference to me and to the world, but yet, yet in its deepest reality, I can't screw that up.

[00:14:31] Yeah, that's, I think that's a very liberating thing to remember. You know because God's love and his might and his power is so much greater, so much deeper than anything any one of us living on the surface of the earth can touch. So, when I'm feeling overwhelmed about my interior journey or about my life or about the world, these two things, these two truths help me to re anchor and reground myself.

[00:15:04] Okay, so, if you recall also, I always refer to the three layers of living, the outer layer of what's happening, and then the inner layer of my thoughts, my emotions, right, and my physical sensations. And then the innermost layer is my core, is the core. And the core is really that which is in touch with the deepest reality, who I am that never changes in spite of what the circumstances are or how I feel.

[00:15:28] Who I am, at my core, this person that exists because God continues to love me into existence, cannot be touched.

[00:15:42] That is a way of contemplating, a very practical way of exercising contemplation. Whatever helps you to come in touch with this reality, is an aid for your contemplative practice. Okay, so, for different people could be different things. Depending on your temperament, your personality, and maybe, you know, your preference.

[00:16:04] If you're a very visual person, sometimes something visual can help you to focus on that truth. Or something tactile, I have a little cross, I don't have it with me right now, which is just a little wooden cross. It's very nice to hold in my hand. Sometimes, I just, I just take that and I just hold it. I don't even think thoughts or try and say words, just holding the cross in the palm of my hand, clasping it in my hands can help me to connect with that truth.

[00:16:30] PRACTICAL TIPS FOR SELF-CARE
So, with that first point that nothing real has changed, and then that second point to remind ourselves that we are not the saviour of ourselves or of the world and therefore we can rest, we can make mistakes, we can fail, comes the third point. And that is be extra attentive and extra tender to ourselves, to our inner selves.

[00:16:56] Okay, not just our inner selves, I'll say to ourselves, but you know, our body, our nervous system, our emotions. Think of it when. When we're still very scared that everything lies on our shoulders, right? Or when we keep thinking that, oh no, everything has changed. We don't have the capacity to be attentive and tender to ourself because we don't feel safe to do so.

[00:17:19] Which is why the first two steps are important. The contemplative practice of helping us to ground ourself in that reality that we are not God, we're not the saviour, and then nothing real ultimately can be robbed and changed. Even though our experiences can change. Now, we can be We can find that space to pay attention and be extra tender to ourselves.

[00:17:42] So, what is it that you need? When you're overwhelmed, I mean like the last couple of weeks, it's taken a while for me to just tune in. What do I need? You know, actually one of it was I just need to feel sad because something had happened. You know, a circumstance I thought I was getting better at handling.

[00:18:00] It was harder than I expected, you know, and it drained a lot of emotional energy in me. And not only that, because it was an interaction with a parent after that, I think days after that, I realized that, whoa, that interaction had touched a really old wound, a young wound in me that I've been reminded, you know.

[00:18:22] Again, it was touching that, you know, I'm never going to be good enough, no matter what I do. I'm never, I'm never going to be enough. And there was a younger part of me that just needed to grieve that needed to feel sad about that. And that part of me, what wouldn't help her was, was like the adult me telling her, you know, that's not true.

[00:18:43] I mean, she doesn't need to be told that it's not true, that I'm not good enough, right? She needs to just be able to feel sad. Sad because, you know, it's still very important to her that, you know, she still wish her parents would make her feel that she was enough for them. Oh, gosh, I'm going to start crying again.

[00:19:03] But all this is very real. It's very gritty, right? And it happens. It will keep happening on and off on our journey. So, we need to learn. How to ride the waves. And then once we learn how to ride the waves, it's not that bad. Like, we accept. We make room. Even for overwhelm. 

[00:19:20] We know that in this rhythm of our living and of the interior journey, there are times when we just won't be able to do very much except feel maybe, you know, like feel sad. Feel sad and eat some comfort food. I think that was what my little younger one, you know, needed quite a bit of last week. And then the energy level was just rather low, right?

[00:19:42] And then it meant also that work wise I had to be more essentialist about what was really the most important thing that I needed to do first and then let things slide, let things slide. And trust that at a later point, because I know there's a rhythm to my energy, right? I know that there'll come a point when I'm going to feel more energetic again.

[00:20:04] There are sometimes shorter days or even a couple of weeks where I can do a lot more than I normally can. That somehow, I'll be able to catch things up that need to be caught up then. And even if I can't, then I can't, right. So, again back to that first two points. Nothing real really changes no matter how frightening it may feel like to me, that if I let things drop, something bad is going to happen, right?

[00:20:29] No. At the depth of reality, nothing changes. And secondly, well, I can only work on the grace that has been given me. Sometimes, what we see and what we feel called to act upon is so grand or so great that it can feel like it's an impossible task and that includes the interior journey. And sometimes what overwhelms us is when we begin to taste just how much there is to this journey that we did not anticipate.

[00:21:01] And there's a reason that it happens this way. Because I think if any of us know the full extent of what the interior journey consists of, no one will begin it, right? It's just too much for us to be able to even imagine and fathom. And which is why I really absolutely believe it's by design that we're meant to do it one step at a time.

[00:21:22] And then to receive the grace to continue to follow, you know, the next step and the next step. And then we find slowly over time, our capacities are expanding and growing. So, for the times when you may be feeling overwhelmed for your life, about your life or about the interior journey, I hope that these three things, these three points can help you, right? These three points can help you.

[00:21:49] RECAP: 1. NOTHING REAL HAS CHANGED & 2. WE ARE NOT THE SAVIOUR
One: that nothing real has changed. Contemplate that reality, right? From eternity to eternity, at a very deep level, where we are held in existence by God's love, nothing can touch us. Nothing can touch the reality that God does not allow. And God is trustworthy.

[00:22:14] Of course, this helps when we also begin to get more secure in our relationship with God, right? But nothing real has changed. And then two, we are not the saviour, either of ourselves or the world.

[00:22:29] RECAP: 3. BE GENTLE WITH OURSELVES
And three, therefore, we can pay extra attention and be extra tender to ourselves when we're feeling overwhelmed. Okay, and we need this kind of extra care especially when we're overwhelmed. And I just want to say our extra care for ourselves can include like I said, feeling sad, rest, play. And being with safe people. So, when we're feeling overwhelmed, I really feel that what has helped is to give ourselves that permission to draw harder boundaries.

[00:23:06] This is especially for those of us who tend to be people pleasing or fawners. Fawners like, you know, part of our protective mechanism is to try and please others so that we'll be safe. We often overexpose ourselves. So, as part of being extra tender and attentive to ourselves when we are overwhelmed, it will be helpful to give ourselves permission to have more solitude, to not meet with people if we have the choice. And often we do actually have the choice to not meet with people that we know will make us feel even more unsafe, and to choose to be in environments, in nature, with our animals, or with our safe people.

[00:23:47] For this time when we're overwhelmed, we need that for our recovery. All right, so, that's a little something for - I don't know whether I'll call this one a "life hack". It's a little bit more than that, but you know, for times of overwhelm, I hope that you guys found it helpful. 

[00:24:06] INTENTIONAL SOLITUDE

If you have any questions, you can actually ask in the question bubble or the comments about what we talked, what I've just talked about, the three things that help when we're feeling overwhelmed. 

[00:24:16] Yeah. Let me just check my notes and see if there's anything I missed. No, I think I covered all the points.

[00:24:25] Oh, I see your question.

[00:24:30] Oh, how long can these times of more intentional isolation last? Can I ask you what time frame are you imagining that you ask such a question? Are you thinking like how long in terms of like months? It can't be just - I was going to say, I mean, I mentioned that sometimes I feel a sense of guilt when I take too many days to recover. Oh, okay. We're just talking about days right now.

[00:24:54] I mean, I'm not dismissing you. I was just wondering whether you're thinking like, is it times of weeks or months? But I don't think there's ever a fixed answer to how long. It's however long you need, right? Sorry, excuse me. It's however long you need and you know, if you know how to listen to your body, whether you need more time to recover.

[00:25:17] It feels like months. Sometimes it does. And so, like I mentioned at the very start of today's Live that there are seasons which are longer, right? And seasons, when we are certain in seasons of healing and deepening, we actually do need on the whole, just a lot more solitude, a lot more safety away from places where we will get triggered or get hurt.

[00:25:40] But even when we're not in those seasons of healing, let's say like I'm currently in the season of being sent. But within that season, there are rhythms and then sometimes something happens and then I need within this season of being sent to retreat a little more to care for myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

[00:25:58] Right, so, so I think when it's the overall season of not of healing and deepening, usually these times are a little shorter. But I think days is normal. Even a couple of weeks. And I think we can, over time we maybe develop some skill to how to give ourselves that space. How to give ourselves that space without necessarily completely disappearing, you know from whoever it is that maybe, you know, we feel we need some space from.

[00:26:26] But, you know, again, we do what we need to, we do what we have to do, right? And because nothing real ultimately has changed, and we're not the saviour, it's okay. It's okay. We may feel guilty about it, but, you know, at the deepest reality, you taking time to recover is not going to change anything.

[00:26:46] If anything, it's going to help you in your journey.

[00:26:50] Yes, you say that you're in a healing phase. Anyway, so, you're still learning how to listen to your body and understand solitude time. Yes. Why, if you're in a healing phase, then we're talking months. As in, you need generally like more solitude and more space, more nature, more beauty, more wonder, more play, more rest, all that, compared to other seasons.

[00:27:13] And of course, I acknowledge, I mean, I often acknowledge that this is It's a privilege to be able to have any of this, any of the rest and play and space that we have, and it's always a grace. But rather than feel guilty, because I know sometimes, some of us who do realize that we have this privilege to take a step back and to slow down and to have solitude, we can feel guilty about having that privilege.

[00:27:36] And I just want to remind those of us who may feel that way, we are a collective, right? We're a whole community. We don't know why God distributes things the way He does, why He distributes talents the way He does, why He distributes privilege the way He does in the world, but ultimately, we are one body of Christ.

[00:27:58] Rather than feel guilty when we realize that we have been given the grace or the privilege to heal, to rest, for example, we should take it because it's not just for ourselves. We take because we entrust that God wants to do something with our healing too, not just for ourselves, but for all He loves, for all creatures.

[00:28:21] All right, so, I hope that encourages those of us who realize we actually do have a bit more of a choice to go into a longer season of healing. And especially if your particular call is also in the area of healing others. All the more, all the more, we need to take, you know, in a sense, ownership, gladly, gratefully of whatever opportunity and gift and privilege God has given for us to heal because we know that's going to help us in our vocation and our mission.

[00:28:53] Yeah. Thank you so much for your question.

[00:29:00] Okay, I guess that's it for today's Live. I hope to catch you with me, to catch you when I'm on Live again at some point later this week, maybe tomorrow, maybe day after, I don't know. So, I'm also just, today, choosing to come on. And not coming on the last couple of days was a part of me being tender to myself and being kind to myself. So, thank you for joining me and for engaging with me.

[00:29:28] It has made me feel seen and connected. See you at the next Live, hopefully. Bye!

[00:29:36] CONCLUSION
Thank you for listening to Becoming Me. The most important thing about making this journey is to keep taking steps in the right direction. No matter how small those steps might be, no matter where you might be in your life right now, it is always possible to begin. The world would be a poorer place without you becoming more fully alive.

If you like what you hear on this podcast, would like to receive a monthly written reflection from me as well as be updated on my latest content and offers, make sure you subscribe to my newsletter Begin Again. You can find the link to do that in the show notes. Until the next episode, happy becoming!